Fighting to Forget
by Aurora Amari
Summary: Yuki has a violent past...can he keep the monsters there? When he loses control, Shuichi experiences first-hand just how painful memories can be...


Hey, well here's a short story I wrote at 2 A.M. I really hope you like it...It's a bit rushed sorry, I'm forcing my eyelids open. Lol. I stuffed it with a bunch of Words of Wisdom and here are the authors of those:  
  
friedrich nietzsche, albert schweitzer, aristotle, jonathan santos, mark(?), andy worhol, all, katherine wolf, truman capote, confucius, george santayana.  
  
The hardest part on writing this was paying attention-I started to hear things. Names, rock, weird whispers, phones, latin music broadcastors...ZZZzzzZZZzzZZZzzzZZz...mm? Oh, yeah,  
  
enjoy!!  
  
He who fights monsters should look into it that he himself does not become a monster.  
  
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"What are you looking at?" Yuki scowled at Shuichi over the morning paper. He continued to glare as Shuichi remained quiet.  
  
Finally the singer looked down at his breakfast. He's really mad this morning, I wonder what I did? After a moment's thought, Shuichi glanced back up at Yuki, the man's attention turned to the paper. "Yuki, is there something bothering you?" he risked, and immediately regretted it.  
  
"Why won't you just leave me alone?!" the writer slammed his newspaper on the table. "Yes, there's is something bothering me-YOU!" He shot up and stalked away, leaving Shuichi on the verge of tears. A knock on the door brought him out of his spell.   
  
"Oh! Sakano..." Shuichi wiped his wet eyes and attempted a smile, "Can I help you?"  
  
"Well, I came here to give you this: it's Bad Luck's latest album, it went on sale today and I thought I'd surprise you, but I see I came at the wrong time. What happened this time?"  
  
"I don't know, Yuki looked upset and when I questioned him, he yelled at me and left the room," the singer complained. "I don't understand! He is hardly nice to me, and when he is, he usually ends up mad again."  
  
Sakano looked sympathetically at the boy, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way that you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have. Tell you what-I'll go talk to him and you get down to the studio, you're already late."  
  
"Thanks," Shuichi smiled.  
  
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"You really should take it easy on that boy, Yuki," Sakano said as he entered the writer's office.  
  
"What do you want?" was his response.  
  
"What, may I ask, was he doing that so displeased you?"  
  
"Bothering me! Like you are now, just leave me alone to work!" Yuki growled, "I am allowed to be mad at someone!"  
  
"To be mad at someone-that is easy. To be mad at the right person, for the right reason, at the right time, and at the right degree-that is not easy. I wonder if it was really Shuichi you were angry with, and not something else," Sakano said, half to himself. "Could it be that you are just remembering things you feel are better left forgotten? I've seen that look on your face before."  
  
"Do NOT bring up what is done," Yuki snapped.  
  
"Very well, I will leave now, but remember: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it," Sakano left the room, leaving the author to contemplate his words.  
  
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"Hey Shuichi, how are you? Sakano just called to make sure you got here safe. I also learned about your fight this morning with Yuki," Mika said as she met the singer in the hall of the studio.  
  
"It wasn't really a fight..." Shuichi mumbled. "Just him screaming at me for caring. It's like he has a shadow covering most of his heart..."  
  
Mika put her hand on his shoulder, "Never fear shadows...that always means there is a light shining somewhere," she smiled.  
  
As Yuki's sister walked away Shuichi thought about what she told him. A light...yes Yuki has one in his heart! I've seen him when he is very thoughtful and caring, he almost shines! And being very happy at this new thought, Shuichi forgot the morning's trouble's and got to work.  
  
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I murdered someone Shuichi...I was around your age....I'm a monster...  
  
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Yuki stared, trying to forget the memories that were flooding him.  
  
"Yuuuuu-kiii!"  
  
The writer groaned as a very happy Shuichi came bounding through the door.  
  
"Guess what? Our new album sold over a million today! In just ONE day! We really must be famous!!!" the boy jumped for joy around the room.  
  
"And if you're done now," Yuki glared, "you can get out of my house."  
  
"Why?" Shuichi whined, tears forming as his smile faded. "I haven't done anything!"  
  
"I can't concentrate with you here, you garbage! Now get out!"  
  
"B-but..."  
  
"Now!" Yuki stood up and moved towards Shuichi. He shoved the lamp out of the way, glass shattering on the floor, as he made his way to Shuichi.  
  
"Yuki!"  
  
The writer growled and hit Shuichi across the face, blood forming from the new cut. "Listen to me! When I say get out, I mean it!" His rage poured into his voice and fist, as Shuichi earned a bruising punch to the eye.  
  
"Yuki...no! Please stop!"  
  
But Yuki couldn't hear the boy, he was lost in the past, the pain embracing him while he tried to fight it. He was so young then, too young.  
  
No longer fighting, Shuichi curled into a ball, arms covering his head as best they could, "Please..."  
  
And still Yuki was lost, and as his hands encircled Shuichi's neck, he pleaded, Why can't I just forget?! Why? Why?  
  
"Why?" A whisper from Shuichi as his last breathes came. This brought Yuki awake, ending the memories. His eyes widened as he saw what crime his owns hands were committing, and he pulled them away from the now unconscious boy. "Shuichi!" What have I done? My Shuichi, what have I done?  
  
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"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  
  
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Sakano's words hit him. Hard.   
  
Yuki shook Shuichi's body, "Shu! Please wake up...I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! I would never..." he hung his head.  
  
"I know," came the small, struggled gasp of Shuichi.  
  
"Hold on." Yuki ran to get the phone for an ambulance. "Hello? I need help..."  
  
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Sakano entered the waiting room, and ran to Yuki as he spotted him. "How is he?" Yuki had called Sakano and Mika after the hospital. He told them everything that had happened and swore he couldn't stop himself. They were both going to meet him.  
  
"I don't know," the author whispered. "I haven't been able to go see him yet...I just can't face him."  
  
"Sakano, you can go check on him while I talk to my brother," Mika said, having arrived right behind the producer.  
  
Sakano shook his head and went to talk to a nurse.  
  
"You now you have to talk to him, a man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake."  
  
"I know that," came the bitter reply. "But I don't know how to speak to him now."  
  
"Start by thanking him, sometimes our light goes out, but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light, and I know this is true of him," Mika suggested, "and to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. I also know this is true of Shuichi. He worships you, I don't think he could ever hate you."   
  
Yuki only stared.  
  
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"Hey Shu," Sakano greeted quietly, "How are you?"  
  
"I've been better," he managed a grin. "I-is...I mean did...here?"  
  
"Yes, Yuki is here. He is in the waiting room, talking to Mika. You know he didn't mean it, right? He is really torn up about what he did," Sakano tried to comfort the boy.  
  
"Yeah, I know, I just thought that it was long enough ago for him to forget it all. I mean, the say time changes things, but I guess you have to change them yourself. But now, I have a decision to make, only I don't know what is the good choice."  
  
Sakano nodded, and said, "Decisions aren't usually between bad and good, they are between bad and worse, and it's often not clear which choice is worse."  
  
After a minute, Shuichi began to cry. "I was so scared. I kept thinking how bad Yuki must hate me to do something like that..."  
  
"I don't hate you."  
  
"Yuki?" a slightly nervous Shuichi looked up and saw his lover staring silently. Sakano gave the boy a pat, and left the room, they needed to talk in private.  
  
"I don't hate you," Yuki repeated. "I-I actually love. you. And I know you don't even want to look at me right now-but I need to apologize. I'm very sorry for what I did. I couldn't control myself...memories just swept over me..."  
  
"From the murder? So that's why you were upset this morning...you were remembering."  
  
"Yes, But that isn't a good enough excuse for what I've done to you. Look at you! Anyone would swear you got hit by a car!" Yuki stated, eyes teary. "Please forgive me."  
  
"Of course Yuki, I love you!" came the reply from Shuichi, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and it was most of the time.  
  
The singer got out of bed and walked up to Yuki. He slowly reached out a hand, to touch the writer's face. Yuki's hand met Shuichi's, causing the boy to jump. Yuki pulled his hand back, horror on his face. So, he is terrified of me now! But what did I expect? I almost killed him! I would be terrified of a monster too. but Shuichi saw the look on his lover's face and pulled him into a tight embrace. And as Yuki stiffened, and relaxed, Shuichi whispered, "I wrote a song for you at work today, and changed it a little here," and he began to sing:  
  
" I'm not as dumb as you think I am, I've learned a thing or two, I don't care about nothing at all, but I think the world of you...  
  
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"And to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. I also know this is true of Shuichi. He worships you, I don't think he could ever hate you."   
  
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Yuki smiled as Shuichi finished the song he wrote for him.  
  
"...unconditional (without conditions), just as I am (without provisions), 'till death do us part (murder not acceptable), for better or for worse (and it always gets worse), now say you love me!"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Shuichi?" Yuki called as he held the boy, "Thank you."  
  
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"Never fear shadows...that always means there is a light shining somewhere."   
  
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"Your light is shining bright, Yuki," Shuichi smiled, remembering what Mika told him.  
  
Yuki blinked, startled by the words when he had just thanked the boy for giving him the gift of light in his heart. He smiled and kissed Shuich softly on the lips. 


End file.
